I had mentioned that I experienced hallucinations (dreams?) I interpreted as reality. Perhaps, you will find them interesting or even entertaining. But, I wonder what Carl Jung would make of them? So, here are my various “hallucinations” in no particular order.
Why won’t anyone help me?
I had entered an empty warehouse-like structure and became trapped beneath some debris that had fallen on me. Why had I entered this place? I do not know. People were entering the building and were stealing items. Calling out to them, I desired deliverance but to no avail since they acted as if they could neither see nor hear me.
The reality was nurses had me restrained. I had pulled out my ventilator while loopy, after all. I imagine I must have repeatedly pleaded with them to release me from the restraints. However, until I was lucent, they could not do so.
“Paint me like one of your French patients…”
It may surprise you that I became a desirable model. It is true. However, before you start hearing Right Said Fred’s “I’m Too Sexy,” I was not that kind of model. I knew I was having health issues leaving me debilitated, and I wanted to do something to earn money. A CGI artist, a woman whose name I don’t recollect, used motion capture technology to make works of art using people with mobility issues. Since I could lie still and allow the artist to pose me however she wanted without complaint, I became one of her favorite models to use.
The artist had friends, most of whom were also women, and they would sometimes have gatherings at posh restaurants after the artist had completed her work. I seem to recall her thanking me with meals and letting me crash at her house when I had need. She had a daughter, but I remember no father.
Being unable to move in this hallucination had an apparent cause; it was a subconscious realization that I could not move. I have no idea how that related to art. I remember being thankful for the kindness shown to me. All of that “feminity” around me in the hallucination must have been because most of my nurses were female. There were a few fellows, but I know there was one I did not like; I thought he was plotting something against me.
“I don’t trust him.”
I had a male nurse whom I was able to become better acquainted with after becoming lucid. He is a nice guy and a joker. Thankfully, I got the opportunity to apologize to him for what I did while out of it. However, in my earlier hallucinations, he was a trickster like the Norse Loki. He was always trying to trick me into elaborate plots. He kept asking questions like he wanted information from me. And he promised he would help me if I helped him. I did not trust him, writing as much on a whiteboard for others, including this nurse, to see. Oops. In my haze, I knew he wasn’t being candid with me. He and a particular female nurse would do the “good cop, bad cop” routine. I wish I had committed these false memories earlier as the details become fuzzier with time.
The nurses did ask me a lot of questions. For example, “Do you know where you are?” “What year is this?” “Who is the President?” Given this particular nurse’s personality, he likely tried to interact with me whenever he provided care. Again, though, I’m unsure why I decided he was a bad guy.
There were other strange realities I inhabited during my four-month hospital stay in 2021. These examples were just a few that popped into my head as I sat down to write. I will share the more bizarre examples of hallucinations with you in another post.