Tag: dreams

Olympic Team Member?

I wonder how external stimuli impacted my distorted perception of the world. For example, 2021 was when the world met in Tokyo for the pandemic-delayed Olympics. Even if I could not watch television, I imagine someone likely had the tv on in my room. So, the grand spectacle of the games and advertisements and news reports bombarded my subconscious. Nurses were also bathing me and changing my gowns. Apparently, I incorporated these things into my hallucinations while living an “alternate life.”

I was on the Olympic team…

I was a part of the U.S. Olympic Team’s staff. That is laughable given my physical condition. However, I was something of a canary in a coal mine. I was a guinea pig for SARS-CoV-2 medications. I was also used to test other treatments whose aim was immune system modification. At one point, there were even bionic modifications. I recall the latter because something done to my hearing created odd difficulties with “non-compatible devices.” I might hear some or none of what was said, but then I’d register sounds from beyond the normal range from compatible tech.

And it provided connections

This ability led to a profitable side gig beyond U.S. Olympic team staff. There was an avant-garde musician who wanted to create a sound one experienced with the whole body. He had connections and knew of my bionic hearing. He wanted to collaborate with me to make his new sound. I recall being uncomfortable because there was what one imagines with the rich and famous, the stereotypical debauchery. Though I helped him complete his project, it further injured me. I began hearing things I shouldn’t. As I had with some of my visual hallucinations, this, too, made me question my sanity.

And new experiences

Now, how did the bathing and gown changes come into play? First, as Japan is a “bathing culture,” there were visits to onsens and sentōs with the Olympic team. So, those strangers scrubbing me became compatriots washing my back and hair. My hospital gown became the yukata. That amuses me because my self-consciousness would never permit me actually to visit an onsen or sentō in real life. However, the fact that I was wearing yukata must mean that being something of a VIP landed me a trip to a lovely onsen ryokan (i.e., a traditional Japanese inn).

It is nice that even while wondering if I was losing my mind that I could still enjoy some pleasurable experiences.       

Interesting Hallucinations

I had mentioned that I experienced hallucinations (dreams?) I interpreted as reality. Perhaps, you will find them interesting or even entertaining. But, I wonder what Carl Jung would make of them? So, here are my various “hallucinations” in no particular order.

Why won’t anyone help me?

I had entered an empty warehouse-like structure and became trapped beneath some debris that had fallen on me. Why had I entered this place? I do not know. People were entering the building and were stealing items. Calling out to them, I desired deliverance but to no avail since they acted as if they could neither see nor hear me.

The reality was nurses had me restrained. I had pulled out my ventilator while loopy, after all. I imagine I must have repeatedly pleaded with them to release me from the restraints. However, until I was lucent, they could not do so.

“Paint me like one of your French patients…”

It may surprise you that I became a desirable model. It is true. However, before you start hearing Right Said Fred’s “I’m Too Sexy,” I was not that kind of model. I knew I was having health issues leaving me debilitated, and I wanted to do something to earn money. A CGI artist, a woman whose name I don’t recollect, used motion capture technology to make works of art using people with mobility issues. Since I could lie still and allow the artist to pose me however she wanted without complaint, I became one of her favorite models to use.

The artist had friends, most of whom were also women, and they would sometimes have gatherings at posh restaurants after the artist had completed her work. I seem to recall her thanking me with meals and letting me crash at her house when I had need. She had a daughter, but I remember no father.

Being unable to move in this hallucination had an apparent cause; it was a subconscious realization that I could not move. I have no idea how that related to art. I remember being thankful for the kindness shown to me. All of that “feminity” around me in the hallucination must have been because most of my nurses were female. There were a few fellows, but I know there was one I did not like; I thought he was plotting something against me.

“I don’t trust him.”

I had a male nurse whom I was able to become better acquainted with after becoming lucid. He is a nice guy and a joker. Thankfully, I got the opportunity to apologize to him for what I did while out of it. However, in my earlier hallucinations, he was a trickster like the Norse Loki. He was always trying to trick me into elaborate plots. He kept asking questions like he wanted information from me. And he promised he would help me if I helped him. I did not trust him, writing as much on a whiteboard for others, including this nurse, to see. Oops. In my haze, I knew he wasn’t being candid with me. He and a particular female nurse would do the “good cop, bad cop” routine. I wish I had committed these false memories earlier as the details become fuzzier with time.

The nurses did ask me a lot of questions. For example, “Do you know where you are?” “What year is this?” “Who is the President?” Given this particular nurse’s personality, he likely tried to interact with me whenever he provided care. Again, though, I’m unsure why I decided he was a bad guy.

There were other strange realities I inhabited during my four-month hospital stay in 2021. These examples were just a few that popped into my head as I sat down to write. I will share the more bizarre examples of hallucinations with you in another post.